Embracing Seasons: A Mother’s Day Reflection

We’ve had this photo hanging up at home for years now. My mum and I ran 5km together in the Sussan Women’s Classic in Auckland, circa 1996. We started off with a bolt and like any nine year old recreational runner, my pace was very erratic. As I ran, I shed items of clothing; a thick jumper and those track pants with snaps all the way up the sides. Mum would tie each piece around her waist and carry on. When I needed to take breaks (there were many) or find toilets along the way, Mum would patiently stay with me. She was there for me the whole way. I’d like to think I was grateful for this, but as we started through the finish shoot and I heard the MC celebrating us running together over the loudspeaker, I sprinted flat chat through the cheers and crowds to beat her across the line.

It’s always funny to look back and laugh at my lack of appreciation for Mum in this moment. But now that I am in the throes of motherhood with two young boys, what stands out in this photo is not the younger version of me, but Mum. Not only setting an example, but literally carrying me through the event to facilitate a positive experience and a lifetime love of running and the outdoors. It was the first of many runs together - this next photo was just last year as we danced across the ridgeline towards Mount Hirakimata on Great Barrier Island, not long after Mum turned 72.

When it comes to adventure, movement and challenge, I am fortunate to have parents who have always set an example for me. Getting older and having kids was never sold as a loss of freedom or spontaneity - only that these things may start to look and feel a little different. This changing face of outdoor activity is something I am now navigating in my own life as a mum to two young boys.

When I was pregnant with my first, lots of advice came rolling in: “It will fly by,” “They will grow up so fast,” and “Having kids will shift your perspective on everything.”

Almost six years on, and all very much true.

Adjusting to motherhood was like being brought home in a tiny plastic bag and dropped into a new fish tank. Nothing really made sense, and simple tasks like sleeping, eating and holding a conversation became challenging. Perspectives changed quickly and continuously as we learned to love and care for this tiny human more than ourselves.

In the thick of this abrupt change, it was hard for me to look up and plan ahead. With the lack of sleep and low energy, the days seemed to blend together and it felt like building my fitness back was so far away. My fears were becoming my reality - did being a mum mean I had to give up my love for adventure, spontaneity, and the outdoors?

After my six-week clearance for exercise, I couldn’t wait to start moving again. I vividly remember the first yoga class I went to. I was alone with my own body for the first time in a long time, and it felt strange to stand as me and not as ‘New Mum'. Physically, I was connected to myself on that mat, but mentally, I was distracted by the pull to return home to my baby, who needed me and my milk like clockwork. But in stealing these moments with myself, I started to realise that I didn’t want to ‘bounce back’ to my pre-baby self, and in fact, returning to who I was before no longer made any sense. I was a completely different version of myself.

12 months later, and things were still shifting. I was feeling stronger under a barbell, and feeling the benefits of strength training. Although that six-week sign-off had felt exhilarating at the time, it really took me that entire year to understand and experience how my breath and pelvic floor were connected, and the power of this relationship when it came to movement, restoration, running, and lifting - both kettlebells and kids.

I could now lie down on my back without the pain caused by tightness from feeding and carrying a growing baby. There was no benefit in looking back at where I used to be. Motherhood was bringing out parts of myself that I hadn’t gotten to know yet. I was craving creativity, nature, and movement for the purpose of play, not punishment.

It was now liberating to look ahead. To get to know her, to find ways to move that would fill me back up rather than further deplete me. I was fortunate to come across the work of Dr. Oscar Serrallach and the concept of postnatal depletion. After addressing my nutrition, rest, and healing, I started to understand what self-care looked like, and that achieving energy and vitality meant getting to know myself. This quote from the Fourth Trimester Collective hit home hard: No one even mentioned it; in nine whole months, not one person said, ‘You’re about to meet someone entirely new. And it’s not your baby; it’s going to be you.’

Changing your perspective means ultimately shifting your beliefs, and this can alter how you view reality. Things that used to matter suddenly didn’t. I savoured every moment I was able to step out of our routines and into the outdoors. Trail running, hiking, dancing across tiny longboard waves, or picking lines through the mud on my mountain bike became tools for self-discovery and reflection. In seeing movement as a chance to step out of our home bubble, the concept of requiring motivation mostly disintegrated and I felt the value in carving out solo time for myself and my goals.

As a mum of two young boys, I am still learning to find time for both adventure and being present to them, as well as the other tasks on the list. I have had many moments of feeling inadequate for not setting a 5am alarm to squeeze a run in, for not training as much as I ‘should be’ or for not running as fast as I used to. I have compared my story to other mothers and thought, ‘How on earth can they do it all?’

But then something shifted for me - I embraced my season of young kids. It felt like dropping a very heavy pack from my shoulders after a long day of hiking - utter relief. I am giving myself permission to sleep in when I need it, to be ok with running slower, to leave my watch at home. To miss training to be with sick kids, to play a backyard cricket game, or to savour rest. I now enter events or plan experiences for fun, not just for myself but also as a way to connect with other women who want a little more adventure in their lives too.

Allowing myself to be messy and less prepared during this season of young kids has been such a gift. I have signed up for challenges that have scared me because I am not ‘ready’, and I have felt more appreciation along the way. I believe it’s both a privilege and a necessity to connect with my body in the outdoors.

I can’t wait to enter events with my own boys and to support them in crossing their own finish lines, whatever that might look like. I want to show them that their mum steps out to train for her own goals, she prioritises getting uncomfortable and seeks out challenges. As it was demonstrated to me, I want them to grow up knowing the juicy, healing power of the outdoors and that movement is a form of self love.

We do not need to look back and compare ourselves to what we once were, or to anyone else. Choose those things that light you up over chasing those things that burn you out in this season. Because in the next, it might all be different.